Thursday, March 20, 2014

If I'm Being Honest

If I'm being honest, my personal life is a bit of a mess right now. If I'm being honest, dishonesty has shaken up my whole life.

There are very few things more disappointing to me than dishonesty. Dishonesty hits even harder when it comes from someone who you thought you could trust unconditionally.

I've always struggled with the ability to forgive someone. Whether it be a friend, family member, or boyfriend who has wronged me in some way, I see it as very black and white. If someone cares about me as much as they claim to, they wouldn't have done that thing to hurt me. I forget that people are human, that they are supposed to make mistakes. I forget that I am supposed to forgive them, just as they have forgiven me in the past.

Much of the time, I do forgive people eventually. Apathy usually wins over anger. I then struggle with rebuilding relationships after things have been broken. Distrust is a very powerful thing, and it can be damn near impossible to make it go away. It has been my personal experience that, even after forgiveness, these relationships are never as strong as they once were. I live in suspicion and wait for the next hurtful thing to occur. (I know this isn't great - I'm a work in progress.)

So my question to you, without giving away the details of the situation, is how do you let someone try to regain your trust after they have so profoundly shattered it? How do you decide if this is the incident that should force someone out of your life, or if it's something that can be fixed with time?

If you're looking for me, I'll be the girl with the Rolling Rock pretending that I'm far away from here.


  1. Okay. That's a tough one. All of this has a lot more to do with you, and your heart, than it really does with the person who was dishonest with you. You know what to expect from them--they've shown you. It's a matter of how much you mean to them in order for them to never do it again. And it matters if you KNOW how important you are to them--that's where all the trust comes from. There have been some things in my (almost 11 year long) relationship that we've had to battle. And one of those was a couple bouts of dishonesty. But I know my husband. I know our relationship. And I know my heart. I think what's best right now is to take some time to reflect on how you really feel--and if you see that person changing at all enough to never hurt you again.

  2. I think with time, we learn to separate the small things from the really big and confidence shattering ones. I guess the difference is that the first ones can be forgotten and we know we won't be attacking the person every single time we see them but the last ones are the ones that just can't be overcome - the ones that completely change the way we see that person.
    When that person has such a big place in our heart we need to realize if the relationship is worth it or not. I don't know how, but if it is, we'll work it out together.